I want a witness.
Someone who can list this
as another mental escapade
and not just a sickness
that I'm dealing with,
not just pleading the fifth
of a country I don't stand for
because I try to be a wordsmith.
The thought, ridiculous,
though I see my mind meticulous,
the questions come again and again,
a loop, simply asynchronous.
I try to break from the pattern
find solace from this cavern
avoid that peak astern
focus instead on what to learn
But it always comes back to this,
a set of rules kept, iron fist
to a mind that tries to break free
to freedom that may be taking piss.
It's always stuck on misery,
of why I keep insanity
a valid option needing reason
to go and point and say, "that's me".
It's a matter of being self-aware,
to realize life isn't fair,
that every punch you throw at it,
is another blow I need prepare.
And though I wish to drop the knife
to not live some sort of battle-life
my mere soul inspires strife
reasons to shield, I've had rife
Each victory comes with taste of lime
that simply leaves me with the grime
that finds me alone, again and again,
a poor existence for killing time
in a darkness I call my friend
for any other seems to bend
around a past self I once was,
instead of my reality in the end.
