Ending's reveal

*warning, one swear word*

This time of joy and excitment
could have happened smoother,
had I not been a shadow,
but instead a doer, a mover.

But I just waited for motion
instead of causing the trembles,
and that, I must confess,
left me alone with my rambles.

I abandoned some in an attempt
to forget a memory I once had,
but I would have undone all action
had I known just how sad

I would be. It's just...
a perfect example of lack of foresight.
A lack of links just makes it simple
to lose connection outright.

To others, I've just ignored
or let them slip to the side.
Maybe I know something,
like we'll end together on this ride.

But it's wrong that I did so,
I knew it fully at the time.
But sometimes instead of caring,
you just need to bite the lime.

And as for the few
that I wanted to stay,
I failed at that, too,
and it all just faded away.

I lie in a white room,
just questioning myself,
a finger trap to trigger calmness,
to make some space on the shelf

of inner mental contradictions,
collected from far to there to here,
and now that they're pieced together,
I have my plans and fear.

This life's full of labels,
and I hate it constantly,
but sometimes it's nice to give
and break one, just occasionally.

Pansexual is one such tag,
so hardly looked at and understood,
because, while it has so many extremes,
it's hard to separate bad from good.

If you really boil it down to basics,
it's just a love for someone for who they are.
It's not just about bits of skin or some situational in,
or favours, regal, a name off afar.

It's about their intentions,
their heart and mind.
What they plan for going forward,
and what was intended to be left behind.

And that's why loving friends
isn't some off ideal.
It's a want to stick around with them,
and it's just as possible as it's real.

But some times, imposibility
is not a facade.
Sometimes, acception
has to be the end to roads made...

At my bedside lies a placeholder
that contains lies to cover truth.
Just something to make mind dormant
with a few proofless proofs.

...You know what, fuck the bottle.
I'll bury all those self made amends,
pour out that deceitful drink,
and sleep naturally again.